You will leave me, my son or How to release the child in adulthood?
“ As our children grew up.
Here right counter to our general times...
Will leave as the ships,
I will leave a hasty kiss in the sea to us... “
Perhaps, the most difficult on light is to learn to release. To release to the wine which offended you, to release a situation when nothing is possible to change in it, to release rather to let out from soul a regret about unachieved.
It is difficult to release the person when the relations became obsolete. Also the thought of what once should be released in independent life of the grown-up child is very difficult. Especially - the son. It is more difficult for the man in independent swimming, he is, as a rule, a helmsman, bearing responsibility not only for himself.
I remember when our sons were absolutely small, the acquaintance told me: “ I hate the future daughter-in-law already in advance. Let it now in a cradle. I should give it the sonny, to release him from myself. I already thought over everything - when he marries whom it will become where will study “.
At me such thought did not arise, but then - that I decided that I will train myself for everything in advance. Also I will try to accustom myself to thought in advance that it is necessary to release, give. I will try to respect the choice of the child in different life situations, whether it be a profession, a hobby, friends or future girl. I will try not to realize own ambitions in the son. Then it will be easier to release. To come to such decision, especially, when the son - only, it was extremely difficult, and to realize - and that it is more difficult.
We chose for this purpose gradualness tactics . Let know that here they - we, always near you, are ready to support your undertakings, but you will solve, of course. And you will bear responsibility for the decision. Threw the child from one party in another, “ in the run wave “ and we were struck by amplitude of its interests. Some held on several years, some died away in several months. Something, for example, military history, remained to constant hobbies. All this, from origami and a hokku to the Russian rock, fancifully intertwined and could exist at the same time, often distracting it from school lessons.
Dinosaurs, the Middle Ages, graphics ink, knightly awards, fight section, a guitar, the composition of verses, Gumilev, resettlement of the people, school of the Young Philologist, an avid reading, club of an author`s song, the translations from German - terrible this vinaigrette frightened me, and there was a wish to send in a strong-willed way irrepressible energy to some course, traditional, productive and useful to life. But I remembered the word pledged to itself - to release in life gradually - and agreed with myself, gradually weakening reins, giving the chance to it to look for itself. Sometimes there was a feeling that “ he, rebellious, asks storms “ teenage testosteronovy splashes were so unexpected at traditional, let and infrequent, parental criticism.
We encouraged desire to earn additionally, asked to take all palsy-walsy to us home, and few years there was a teenage club at our place with songs and rough discussions about sense of life which also we sometimes joined with the husband, feeling like the same teenagers, the benefit, the son at us very early, given rise in student`s years. The son as equals participated in conversations with our friends. Somehow my grandmother told: “ Children are raised in a circle of friends of the parents “. It is very right.
Sometimes at me happened “ regressions “ and I tried though for a while, but to check his life, to fasten the boy “ huge safety pin “ to the skirt. It did not yield any positive results, and here quarrels time arose. Then - that I understood that the most unproductive is a mistrust, dictatorship attempts (let and weak) and a rough direct ban. Most difficult it appeared to keep on “ democratic “ sides, without having rolled down in a poddakivaniye and dissolution in the child.
Soon to the list of a hobby rock-climbing and mountaineering increased that, certainly, did not bring rest to parents. Plus - a gymnasium, abitur, now in other country. The decision to go to humanitarian, philological field. Side jobs translations. Then - love, the novel... The girl was presented to us, quietly and kindly is accepted by us, and it was, according to the son, very similar on... me.
“ It is wildly similar to you, mothers. She even when reads, sits as you - having turned in one leg under herself “ - my boy told me. We to admit, did not notice special similarity. Yes it and is unimportant. They sometimes quarrel and at once are reconciled (is called “ to disagree essentially “) - and it is normal. Are going after a while to try to live together. In our opinion, rather early. We unostentatiously stated the point of view, but the son will solve. Help is given to only at a request. (Most difficult it appeared to accustom the grandmother and the grandfather to this thought). And, has to tell, gratitude for such, but not imposed, the help, sincere and genuine.
Tactics of encouragement and acceptance of interests of the child and his gradual otpuskaniye in independent life, is as if difficult it was, seemingly, is repaid. However, on condition of existence of these most positive interests... In any case, I see that our son - the personality, the man, let and young, but quite adapted for life, molding and creating himself. And it is, probably, the purpose of many parents and tutors.