How to treat sick vanity?
Failure, crash, failure... The state, frankly speaking, not from the best and can turn back neurosis because the confidence in the forces reeled. And how to arrive?
Psychologists advise for a start to be defined in concepts. What, from your point of view, nevertheless occurred: tragedy, crash, nightmare, failure, horror, failure, trouble, mistake, discrepancy? Already much depends on one this concrete concept. For example, you defined an event as “ crash “. It is not excluded that you are right. But people are inclined to exaggerate, exaggerate the failures. Whether there was no it to you? Think, maybe, a situation not " at all; crash “ and only “ discrepancy “?
You do not hurry to pronounce yourself a sentence, without self-flagellation take a detached view of a situation as if, estimate it objectively. If discrepancy can be eliminated or compensated in some another matter, it is especially important to know its reasons. Make use of this experience in the new project. If it is impossible to correct anything, especially it does not make sense to be up against a blank wall. Recognition of a mistake is the most reasonable step for you because, having hidden from a situation, having forced out it from consciousness, all of you equally will not avoid a new meeting with it.
She will continue to remind of herself feeling of alarm, uncertainty, suspiciousness. Failure needs be not to forced out, and to recognize, wash away. It takes off pressure upon mentality. So, by the way, also doctor Freud considered. Speak, time - the best doctor therefore it is not necessary to hurry with conclusions. Try to forget for a while about unpleasant, switch to another. But only for a while! You should not leave unresolved tasks far back in the past: they have property to come back.
From time to time remember and reflect on what happened. If your vanity at the same time begins to boil, so to draw conclusions for the present early. Only when the reminiscence will become quiet, “ washing out “ offenses can be considered finished, so, it is possible to forgive the offender and to forget about unpleasant.
And here - that is also covered big “ But “. To forgive, it is necessary to understand, and to understand happens at all not so simply. For various reasons. Perhaps, lack of accurate information. Perhaps, prejudice against the specific person or a situation. And maybe, your unavailability says to realize the truth, to accept it. For this reason here slow approach is necessary. Instant blamestorming session for your inner self will not bring the necessary result. Think, estimate, compare, look for the truth. For itself because it is necessary for you, your mentality, but not other people.
Do not try to return to the past, do not reanimate a sick situation. Accept it as a task for intelligence, lose possible decisions, having rejected the principles (they so painfully wound self-esteem!) Especially the vanity a position from two points of view disturbs. “ And why I made quite so? It was necessary … “ Also modeling of a situation from the past when you try to modify it begins, but the present emerges. It is impossible to make anything any more, powerless throwings of spirit create a stress which haunts.
And it is necessary to accept defeat. Forgive yourself, you do not blame for possible mistakes, accept what is. It is a reality for which there is no alternative. Offensively, sadly, bitterly, but it is the fact. Even at modern development of pharmaceutics not all drugs sweet on taste. Treat this bitterness, as medicine after which you will be healthy and full of strength.
Anger and offense on other people who involuntarily or purposefully became your reason “ discrepancies “ it does not make sense to warm up memoirs too. “ He made it specially! “ - the vanity shouts. Whether and truth it? What if that person pursued own interests, he had reasons to arrive quite so? It annoyed you unintentionally, at all without wishing to offend. Just like that left. And your vanity will cool down.
“ And if there was an intention? “ - the vanity does not calm down. Well. Also the aspiration to do much harm to you is not excluded. But whether it is worth injuring the vanity again and again?! Yes, wanted. Yes, it turned out. He is a good fellow, achieved-. Do not try to revenge: it is possible to cause itself more troubles, than you will manage to annoy the offender. The revenge serves your excited vanity and eats it. In it there is no positive beginning. Realizing the new plans, having achieved success, you restrain the offender more, than revenge. Only it has to turn out to be consequence, but not the purpose of your new projects.
Life is too short to squander it on a trifle. “ Well-wishers “ always are in it. And if to find time to sweep, on it many forces will leave. Irrationally: forces and time - for the sake of the past! And how future? You did not forget about it? About your cloudless light Tomorrow which, in effect, you also wanted to construct? The psychologist Victor Karandashev miraculously puts end under such situations: “ Let the electrified past will give the energy to the future “.