Why it is so important - to be able to tell it “ No! “?
to be able to refuse is one of the most important abilities of the person. Often we feel rather unfortunate only because that we are not able to tell “ No! “ when it is really necessary.
Psychologists defined that those from us are not able to refuse for whom the opinion of people around on you and about what you do is especially important and what you do not do. Such people continue, to the detriment of themselves and the relatives, to carry out others instructions, to receive unpleasant guests, is tasteless or food even hazardous to health.
And why? Only because could not refuse to the advertizing figure a supermarket, to the grandmother of the three times removed friend or impudent distant relatives from Magadan who use their house as free hotel.
Ridiculously, but to it here myamlyam, not able or not daring to tell resolute “ No! “ seemingly, I belong and I am. What to do?
Psychologists advise to go towards the aim small short steps.
A short step the first - select synonyms to the word “ No! “.
All the matter is that the most difficult is to tell the word “ No! “ or the word with a negative particle. Therefore think up other verbal form for refusal. “ Oh, it would be fine if you arrived to us on a visit the sixth time this year with all the four children, two dogs and the grandmother if by then at my daughter there passed chicken pox! And so - it is a pity “.
A short step of the second - think up authority. to
Very good though a little cunning reception is, refusing, to refer to the negative relation to the matter someone from the relatives or friends who are for asking a final authority. “ I would look for your fifteen kitties within eight months, but my husband has an awful allergy to cat`s wool! “ - here approximately your refusal will look so.
The third - force themselves to respect a short step. As it sadly to realize
, but in many similar cases your relatives and friends simply “ pushed to you around “. It would be time to remove them from there. As soon as you refuse to someone for the first time, will see as far as the attitude of people around towards you will change. You will begin to be respected just. It, of course, does not mean that you were not respected still. But you will begin to be respected as the person able to speak “ No! “ and it means that from now on will address you only on really important questions. Obvious plus of this situation - a huge number of the appearing free time.
The short step the fourth - on offended water is carried.
be not afraid to offend someone the refusal. Anatoly Aleksin in one of the remarkable books wrote: “ If the friend can be lost, it means not such and the friend “. In this situation it is possible to tell practically the same: if the person asking you about a favor is not capable to understand your position and to understand a cause of failure, then it very brightly illustrates its true relation to you.
There now, it seems, it became somehow easier. But one I all - am not able: to refuse to own daughter, my blue-eyed two-year miracle. They say that first of all it is necessary to learn to speak “ No! “ to own children. I should master this hard science still.