How not to be a tactful rude fellow?
East wisdom say: “ You Treat people as you would like that they treated you “. If to follow this advice, then assimilation of any rules of conduct becomes much simpler. And communication between people is how easier in this case: you are polite and benevolent in relation to others and can count on the same attitude towards yourself.
People who politely behave in society are usually considered well-mannered . But it is possible to learn all rules of a good form, to know etiquette trifles, to have perfect manners, but to remain the uncivilized, ill-mannered person if your behavior is deprived of a step and sensitivity. So it is possible to tell with confidence that politeness and tactfulness is not same.
For an example - such case. The elderly woman enters the car of the subway. Hair, beautiful with streaks of gray, are set in a fashionable hairdress, the elegant suit and heels do it young-looking. There is no place to sit down, but the girl - the schoolgirl right there gives way to the woman. The sitting next old woman praises: “ What well-mannered girl! “. And suddenly the girl on all car: “ And I always give way to old... “. As they say, comments are excessive: tactlessness nullified all her politeness.
There is such concept: natural step . It is possible to call it still internal keenness . However not to everyone since the childhood it is allowed to feel what can offend the person as it is necessary to behave in this or that situation.
Imagine such sketch. Two women talk, on a floor the boy of years of four plays nearby. One another tells how relatives had she on a visit and with what tasteless pies treated there. “ How many I at them am and never ate some tasty pies there, - she says. - I at parting also told all this to the hostess “. And suddenly the boy came off the toys, attentively looked at this woman and told: “ It is impossible to tell to people the truth, and that they can take offense “. The kid did not know how to express it, but to us - that the sense of his remark is quite clear.
Happens, some understand truthfulness as need always and to tell all the truth. “ It is such straight line, always cuts plain truth in eyes “ - say about someone. But if to ponder, it characterizes the person not from a positive side at all. At once the sharp, shameless, tactless person is represented. So before something unpleasant to tell others, it is necessary to weigh whether it is worth doing it and if all - decide that yes, that think how whether it to make also the moment suitable for this purpose. Of course, it does not belong to those cases when it is necessary to put to the place of the rude fellow and the rascal.
The remark often correct in essence stated in the presence of strangers, given an offensive shape and said by spiteful tone puts the person to whom it concerns, in such situation that he is incapable to apprehend that reasonable that contains in this remark.
Much, probably, had to witness such scenes in transport. The young man sits, having buried in the book … The elderly woman stands nearby. And here someone, sitting next, very loudly in a rough tactless form does to the guy the remark. Even if the young man jumps, the adherent of culture continues to wear him, and at the same time and all modern youth, skirmish sometimes breaks out …
A everything could be differently. It was possible quietly to ask the guy to give way, very often it happens enough. It is possible if we nearby, eventually most to rise and put the woman. By the way, such behavior of adults leads to desirable result rather. It is impossible to cultivate culture of behavior roughness and lack of culture!
Here it would be desirable to remind here of what.
of the Requirement of politeness and a step order us not to do remarks to the children in the presence of strangers. Especially teenagers take it very painfully. Then, when you will remain among the or alone with the child, point to miscalculations in his behavior.
It is simple “ to learn “ tactfulness and sensitivity , having learned by heart some rules, perhaps, is impossible. A lot of things depend on character of the person, but also that Wednesday in which it grows and it is brought up is of great importance. It is possible to develop in itself these qualities, constantly developing them and improving. And gradually at repetition of the same or similar situations need to reflect how to behave in each case as if disappears. The decision comes, in effect, by itself.
In conclusion one council for all occasions: if there is a doubt how to behave in this or that situation, in relation to some person, try to put yourself to the place of this person. And your decision will be correct.]