Alarm when parting or How it is correct to leave, without injuring children`s mentality?
our life is full of meetings and partings... But more painfully than all parting our children transfer. These silly fellows perceive separation as something terrible, very sad and irreversible. Heart is broken off when we understand that we should leave on the affairs and to leave the kid with the grandmother, the girlfriend, or... one.
And to avoid unpleasant, but absolutely short separation, we go on cunning and we disappear “ in English “ that is quietly, silently, it is imperceptible for the child. Mothers! Fathers! Grandmothers and grandfathers! So it is impossible to do! Such leaving can lead to very negative consequences.
I want to make a reservation that the concern when parting not only is normal, this positive manifestation of attachment of the child to you. Tell the child that you leave even if it will cause some concern waiting for parting. It is better, than to leave unexpectedly. The child has to know that you are persons, and have the right for private life that you can have affairs. Let know that you - not its property.
Frequent ukhoda accidentally will lead to the fact that the kid will wait for the following your leaving, to show concern. You in a toilet - the child is nervous, you on kitchen - it is intense, you move on the room - he tries not to lose sight of you. Its not created nervous system is in constant tension. From here a bad dream, a small appetite, nightmares, tearfulness, overfatigue, aggression etc. of
Let the child know that you will always come back behind it. the Child lifting shout every time when his mother leaves can test uncertainty that it will come back. After several short partings even the uneasiest kid will understand that mother leaves and always comes back to him.
However, be careful, reporting to the child about the leaving, and do not emphasize it. Tell simply and quietly: “ Mother and the father leave, and with you there will be a nurse “. If you accent too on it, at the kid the impression will be made that you worry, and he will begin to worry too. Let parting will be fast and resolute. Remind yourself that the grief which you see at the time of parting most likely will disappear as soon as you leave. It is the best of all to leave the words “ I love you “. It is possible “ to hide “ kiss on the child`s pocket as one of parting rituals.
Recognize feelings of the child. Tell it: “ I know that it is hard for you, but you are a big boy and you will manage to master yourself “. Leave with it a piece of. If you leave to the child something, belonging to you, you will let it know: “ I will return for you “.
For the child is more senior (years of five) it is useful to make the schedule of occupations for that time until you are absent. If you use services of the new nurse, ask it to come a bit earlier, for example, in 1 hour prior to your leaving. Surely sit and talk to the nurse and the child, laugh at something together. Children usually consider that any friend of mother is their friend. But it is the best of all if you leave the kid with familiar and nice to him the person. Let it will be the grandmother or even the neigbour whom he saw more than once.
And it is not necessary to call everyone half an hour to learn, whether all in an order at all (if something not so, to you call). Do not remind the child of yourself in the absence. Let he will have a rest from you, and then the meeting will be warmer and joyful.]