How competently to react to insults?
do not give in to mood of spirit of the one who offends you, and do not become on that way on which he would like to carry away you.
you was casually or deliberately offended. Touched? For good reason? And why? Why you took this insult personally? You feel the guilt? Did not learn to react to such psychological attacks?
And what such insult inherently? Let`s address Wikipedia. “ The Insult (invektivny lexicon) - deliberate or on imprudence the humiliation of honor and dignity of other person expressed in an indecent form, i.e. the form contrasting accepted in society in which act, to norms is made. The insult can be caused verbally, in writing, by action, publicly, both in presence and in the absence of the victim. At an insult the data dishonoring the victim are not reported, and the negative assessment of his personality rudely " is given;.
You know the enemy by sight - easier to be at war. And whether it is necessary? Long ago developed for itself certain tactics of reaction (more true - NOT reactions) on insults. When the person deliberately wants to offend you - ask yourself a question - WHAT FOR? Why it does it? Wants to humiliate you to ennoble itself? Then its act causes compassion. The person thus only can also ego-trip. Or he wants to cut you to the quick to enrage. What for? Looks for in you the lightning rod, wants to merge the irritation somewhere. Always think - what for? And after you understand the prime cause and you will choose model of the behavior. We cannot be offended, we can only take offense.
Still Lev Nikolaevich Tolstoy spoke: “ It is all about thoughts. Thought - the beginning only. And thoughts can be operated. And therefore main business of improvement: to work on thoughts. “
If you at once after the caused insult begin to react thoughtlessly - your offender will celebrate a victory. WHAT FOR? Why to give it such chance! How we react to insults? The fool - the fool. Familiar picture? When you see it from outside, you understand that both also are these most stupid people. One owing to lack of education and endurance afforded it, and the second, having adjusted on its destructive wave, accepted conditions of this “ games “. Both are worthy compassions.
Sometimes so unexpectedly we receive insults that there is even no time to react positively. Offensive words will painfully wound, sharp needles enter the heart. We are not what to tell the first minute, but “ after a fight “ we think out the plan to sweep. And now stop and take a detached view of a situation as if. Silly and ridiculously. Wit on a ladder. What we spend the precious life for! The person forgot about the attack long ago, and you carefully and scrupulously in the soul cultivate revenge seeds. And they very systematically destroy you from within. WHAT FOR?
If nevertheless you understand that you also are the owner of the thoughts, and not vice versa, stop and present all situation from space. You cry now? For you it is offensive? And as if it looked in space scales? It is insignificant small and not costing your nerves. Even it becomes ridiculous - from - for such a trifle so many experiences. Calmed down? And now approach a window and it is attentive and the smallest hyphens consider some subject behind a window. You switched attention, deeply breathed and … it became easier for you. At first it will be hard to get off the destroying thoughts, and the offense will remind of itself from time to time. STOP! Stop a stream of sad thoughts. Drink tasty to tea with a lemon and honey. Look at the comedy. Play with pets. Switch to a positive wave.
And how further to build the relations with the offender? If it is your friend and him is what to appreciate and love for - surely talk quietly, place all points over Y and openly tell him that his attack very strongly afflicted you. Speak a situation. Believe - it will be easier for both you, and him. If it is your chief and all of you are equally forced to communicate with him - here you should develop certain tactics of behavior. I already wrote how I reacted to the boss - the petty tyrant who built insults of employees in daily practice of communication with collective. At first very violently reacted since in life never faced it and was categorically against such communication. In corporation there was a regular psychologist. She - that also advised to represent its every time as small whimsical child who constantly cries and fights. He needs to be calmed and patted on the back. To put on a pot and to feed with a squash. I and began to do. The effect is tremendous! As soon as I saw its jeep on the horizon, began to represent all this picture. The smile did not descend from lips. There was so much self-confidence. But the most interesting - our boss began to be afraid of me. He saw my psychological advantage and did not know how with me to behave.
Already much later I on it “ fulfilled “ and such reception. It is called the Aquarium. When our chief brought together all on meeting and about a floor - a turn began to shout and offend, I represented it in an aquarium at once as a small fish who opens a mouth and words are not heard. Put on such protective armor herself. And his words as balls, jumped aside from me, without having achieved the objectives. Perhaps, only I one of all department could also keep sober mind after such a grief - meetings. All others were unsettled until the end of day.
“ The Mild answer deletes rage; offensive words excite anger “. (John Ruskin).
Too good reception. Only he demands a certain training, endurance. It is polite to react to evil insults. Or as a last resort to tell quietly: “ As you are ill-bred and rough “. Sometimes it affects as a tub of cold water the offender. Anyway you receive a pause and can with is proud of the raised head to retire from the place of fight.
The most unsuccessful, in my opinion, reaction reception - to shout in reply any nonsense. Of course, thus you become a twin - the brother and slide to the level of this ill-bred type. But sometimes it helps to throw off tension. Especially if you took two octaves above.
Much better reception of a splash of negative emotions in water helps. Open the crane and just cry out everything that boiled, in a water stream. As well helps. Wash cool water and go to receive positive emotions. The conflict is exhausted. You were cleverer! Deliver yourself five and try to take out sensible conclusions from this situation.
The person showed the real face. Whether you will be able to change it? Ungrateful work. Or you accept it it what it is, or on it finish the relations. The choice always for you! The main thing not to fall to a role of the victim. Successful to you day and frictionless contacts!]