To Suffer what is it? there are no forces, and it is a pity to throw!
In a deep chair of my office sit the young beautiful woman. Well-groomed hands, stylish cosmetics, pleasant spirits, the enveloping, slightly velvety voice.
- I have a problem! My husband stopped drinking … I do not know what now to do to me!
the Husband the alcoholic is already a lot of years. At first suffered, fought, both coded, and started talking … Then spat it. You want to drink? Drink! And I should live, to raise the child. Made business. Small, but is enough for me. Then met the person. It cannot leave the wife, she is ill strongly. It does not please me, but I got used. And now, the spouse departed from a booze, everything will understand … It is jealous as the devil. The trouble will be. I am afraid of it! To suffer there are no forces, and it is a pity to throw!
Honestly to admit, for the practice of the psychologist I heard it for the first time. And however … the Situation is simple
and, most likely, meets much more more often than it seems at the beginning. Really, it is considered that if the person drinks , then it is necessary for someone . Whether so it? I suggest you to understand this situation. Especially as this problem in Russia is actual the last years three hundred.
Are not born alcoholics. No, there is, of course, a predisposition at the gene level, but will leave it to people in white dressing gowns. It is necessary to grow up the qualitative alcoholic , to foster, create him all conditions for development. This business of many years. Here the family, friends and society in general is necessary. They will not cope? The state will help! Culture of drink or cult of alcoholism. Agree, different things?
The person who drinks - as if plays in theater, lives according to the scenario. And not it is one. Other people also are involved in this play. The performance turns out very emotional, vital. Actors give all the best to the full extent. Still, they prepared for these roles since the childhood! Other scenarios did not read many of them and out of this performance do not represent themselves. But the most terrible that is also such which adapted to this process, were found by benefits , and he suits them. Oh, as arranges! And if the alcoholic - the leading man drops out of troupe, then they against it. Habitual stereotypes of behavior break. Benefits disappear.
- Nonsense! - you will tell. To whom the drunk in a family can be favorable? It is problems, scandals, the crushed families and the lost years of life! But, whatever it seemed whatever saw to actors, the victims and an environment, benefits in what the person drinks, take place to be. These benefits not obvious, as in this case, and most often hidden.
Look! Who near the alcoholic?
Family. The wife the alcoholic - the unfortunate woman! All feel sorry for her. It is the victim by definition. The chief will regret and will forgive if that not so. Not the animal, understands! Girlfriends or colleagues - will help . Again did not sleep. Again washed down! Houses mess , son poor student? Well that here surprising, she one is not in time , this drinks … Again got drunk? You will sleep one on a sofa. And if what person decent meets, will regret … You understand, not stone, youth leaves, and good did not see!
Mother ! Sacred word, mother. Seldom, but happens that mothers provoke the sons. Wildness? - No. In last the husband drank ., It seems, and life lived, everything was erased, fused. There was one! The son with the daughter-in-law do not go, grandsons do not dozovtsya. The attention is necessary though what, and attention. And the Lord did not cancel yet the aspiration recorded with the hard drive of female soul to dominate. The son came, scolded, cried, regretted and on an opokhmelka gave. Here, silly!
Children? And who asks them! Though the folder when drinks, maybe kind to be, a money will throw, will not abuse for the two. It needs the ally in fights with mother. It, so far at the " folder; the roof from vodka did not go “ did not begin to beat mother so far. But life shows that if the father sends mother, then the grown-up son will motivate the wife in the most similar way. “ The Small egg from a chicken far does not fall “
Neighbors , Sodruzhniki, Colleagues, Drinking companions … There is the benefit. Helped to start the car - hundred grams. A work involving all hands at work - noted. The crane repaired - thanked. A grand piano without elevator on the eighth floor - a bottle. And nearby friends. To one , perhaps to drink?
Like all touched.
Is cynical? Can be! News to you? No, of course not! But, it is possible to reflect. If there is such problem, look at a situation from above. Classify, you will understand a lot of things, and you will understand time, and you will be able to correct. Though all this is troublesome, and not at all at once turns out . But it is necessary to rescue the person!
Oops!!! How I forgot one more hero of our play - of the savior ? Without it the performance will not be developed. These are emotions and an anguish. Tears in eyes, a break in a voice. You look on it and you think: “ Well, there is no hidden benefit " here;! The person is torn, pulls out another. Endows himself, is ready to do anything. It is good that such the person remained, very human, superhuman … Over me, over it, over you human. Where I heard it? What it is similar to? Neurotic triangle? Megalomania? To be engaged there is nothing, perhaps? Only God will judge them!
And how you, misters, consider? ]