How it is correct to encourage the child? Three golden rules of a praise.
Almost all parents are sure that the praise allows the child to be convinced of parental love, to find confidence in the forces and loads with optimism. Meanwhile, a praise which happens “ useful “ and “ harmful “ - conceals in itself the mass of the artful and cunning moments. This some kind of art … education art. And will help to seize this art a number of simple rules, having acquired which, parents will be able to avoid many mistakes.
In - the first, do not throw away an undeserved praise to the right and on the left, seeking to gain the child. Many parents tell that absolutely intolerable behavior of the child became result of such unjustified praises. Parents shrugged shoulders, calling it paradox. And occurs here that: the child, as if feeling doubt, whether and such he “ wonderful, darling, irreplaceable “ - tries to disprove a praise the behavior. Children feel insincerity, the exaggerated praise immediately there is a wish “ to put into place “ to show the true nature.
And how to make a praise sincere, pertinent, correctly understood? The first golden rule - the praise has to be directed to the child`s act, but not to his personality! can be Examples of harmful praises such: “ You are such wonderful daughter! “ “ You are the real mother`s assistant! “ “ You such kind and sympathetic that we did without you? “. The child can feel alarm - he not such ideal as speak about it. And there are two options. Most likely the child, without waiting “ revelations “ itself will prove the “ not so ideal “ nature bad behavior.
But also the option when the child himself stops being sincere is possible - will adapt to a praise and to prefer only those situations where it is possible to stand out only the most favorable side. And listening to infinite exclamations of loveful grandmothers: “ What remarkable child! Special talents! Well and clear head! “ - the kid risks to grow up the vainglorious egocentric.
So if you want to praise the child, let us assume, for the cleaned room. You do not hurry to exclaim “ you are my assistant what well done! “. Just tell, having quietly smiled: “ The Room now pure, it is so pleasant to come " here;. Believe, the child will estimate and next time will be sincerely glad to make to you pleasant. And if, let us assume, you want to praise for beautiful drawing, you do not hurry with conclusions - “ you at me the real artist grow! “ - the child can begin to doubt or will be upset if the following drawing leaves not so successfully. It is better to pay attention to drawing, for example: “ What big house you drew, around there are so much bright flowers, and about animals did not forget. And a tree what high - how many apples on it! “. Thereby you take a keen interest to creativity of the kid, but will avoid “ harmful “ estimates of the identity of the child.
It is necessary to be able to construct so the comments that the child himself drew conclusions on the abilities. For example if the son helped to move to you a heavy case, it is possible instead of the words “ what you strong “ to tell about what heavy was a case as it was difficult it to shift, but together you coped. The child himself will draw conclusions - “ I mean strong, I am necessary! “. Or, having estimated abilities of the child in versification, instead of the words “ you will be a great poet “ tell it better: “ Your poem very much touched me “.
The second golden rule - you do not praise the child for natural things. Do not do something extraordinary of its sociality. very well opened This rule Jean Ledloff in the book “ Principle of continuity … “: “ If the child made something useful, for example, itself put on, fed a dog, broke a bouquet of wild flowers … nothing can offend him more, than expression of surprise with his social behavior. Exclamations of type: “ Ah, what you are a clear head! “ “ Watch that Petenka made moreover! “ - mean that the sociality in the child is unexpected, unusual and unusual “ . The child has to realize that he is capable of a lot of things by the nature, without making for it special efforts. Is it worth confusing him the inappropriate praise?
The third golden rule - do not express the approval in a financial equivalent . In other words, it is not necessary to encourage the help with economy or creative activity of the kid with money. The person successfully is engaged in the fact that he chooses sincerely, for internal motives. If the child knows that after action payment will follow, then in a root nature of behavior - from " will exchange; creative making “ will turn in “ earning money “.
Now, having seized art of a praise, do not forget THAT for the child rather important. Except verbal encouragement, there is a kind look, a gentle touch, embraces, games, communication - the word, all on what the real language of love and trust is under construction...]