To fall in love with own husband (wife). Whether joke? You choose
, and you are chosen - the partner in life. And at this most important fatal moment in life unless it is possible to present what sometime you or you can stop loving?! It seems, feeling of love, boundless trust, or perhaps worship and “ pink glasses “ never will abandon you.
However accustoming, the ordinary, difficulties and the related contentions do the part. Feelings cool down, we lose a vdokhnovlennost, flight of thoughts of darling, the appeal. Someone begins to seek former feelings elsewhere; others, having reconciled, consider that better and cannot be: the share such - to suffer; the third - silently die away, without feeling satisfied and happy in the requirements, without receiving rather emotional energy and vital forces, inspiration for the spiritual growth; the fourth - just go down stream of circumstances, is indifferent, apart, without expecting anything any more and without changing in the relationship with the partner - as is, and is fine.
But whatever reasons were in soul everyone remembers the past, not always understanding why suddenly the person chosen by it or he changed the relation and is not attached to the spouse, as before any more. The attitude towards you, but at the same time changed and your own perception of the partner did not remain the same too.
Whether so the situation when there is yet no indifference when warm feelings somewhere nearby when they are hidden somewhere at heart, want is hopeless, but cannot escape outside? Whether pride does not allow, whether the wounded self-esteem, whether offense, whether disbelief in happiness and you never know still. It is simpler to see and be captivated “ new “ than to find attractive in “ old “. But nevertheless let`s think together over the obvious facts which are often remaining unnoticed in our partner relationship.
1. Ideas of love. love Forms, ways of its expression are as various as faces of people. However almost each person considers the views of love only correct. If the partner does not answer or at a given time ceases to meet your some requirements, to meet your requirements and desires, it often causes disappointment, cooling of feelings, the conflicts etc.
to Argue on what it is love how to behave in the love union as “ has to be “ and as “ should not “ it is senseless as views are subjective. Each person is guided by the personal life experience. Our ideas of love cannot be “ absolutely true “. They are only more or less adequate.
Level of adequacy is defined by positive result: the person, without doing harm to another, experiences positive emotions, feels satisfied, safe. While inadequate representations force it to suffer, be nervous, feel pain, despair, disappointment and fear of new spiritual wounds. Disappointments with that are stronger, than your representations about " are farther; volume as has to be “ from reality.
Reconsider the ideas of love. The satisfaction tested from the love relations first of all depends on adequacy of ideas of love and from ability most to have steady feeling irrespective of whether actions of the partner meet your expectations. Learn to correct the behavior so that to achieve desirable result without offenses, disappointments and psychological injuries.
2. Everything in life changes including your partner. you any more not those girl and the young man what were, say, 5-10 years ago. New views, the principles, character, the emotional sphere develop. Perhaps, for you these changes in the partner are not absolutely usual and desirable. But and he has to reconcile to changes in you and accept them. The adequate relation (I will remind that under adequate in this case the relation bringing joy and positive emotions is understood) to changes in behavior, character, in appearance of your spouse, to circumstances, connected with it, will help to create comfort and moral satisfaction in relationship.
3. Find good lines in changes of your partner. Try to concentrate the attention on its advantages, open for yourself in it new which, perhaps, will pleasantly surprise you; kindly and indulgently accepting weaknesses. Who does not have them?! Only emphasizing good in the partner, you will be able to appreciate him and to change own ideas of it to the best that will help to keep and improve communication and the relations with it, to have satisfaction to both parties.
Take from life and the darling all the most remarkable that they can and want to give you instead of suffering for the reason that do not offer you what cannot be given or are not wanted. Rejoice and be grateful for what to you is offered, showing the gratitude in exchange.
4. Live the present moment. do not expect a miracle where it cannot happen. Do not poison the relations with baseless scares, doubts, alarms and expectations about the unfortunate future which, perhaps, will never come in that sense of which you think at present or memories of the past. If the situation which developed in the sphere of your love relations does not satisfy you, then you do or understand something not so, and time to reconsider the representations in connection with real-life circumstances came.
Learn to draw an accurate distinction between reality and own imaginations. Ability “ receiving pleasure without expectations “ means that the person, avoiding extremes, finds compromises in interaction with the outside world and achieves goals, without opposing itself to an environment, and treating him with wisdom and understanding.
5. Ability to operate the emotional sphere. Reserved negative feelings concerning unjustified expectations to acts of your partner, undoubtedly, strengthen the relations, without causing insubstantial accusations in its address, without forcing it to change thereby the ideas of you for the worse. Independence of own feelings and ability to control them, not “ walking at them on a string “ will make your union emotionally richer and is more more beautiful.
Love - our sensual world. And in your forces to learn to operate it, testing internal pleasure in the soul. It is far more important to show love, than selfishly “ to possess “ partner. The best - the worst enemy good. Do not look for ideals since they do not exist. Avoid the overestimated requirements. Rejoice to advantages and indulgently you treat shortcomings, accepting the partner it what it is. To suffer “ from love “ you are forced not by(with) love, but fear not to receive the desirable, uncertainty in itself and inability to find a common language with the person dear to you. Look at it other eyes. Reject all that disturbs, fall in love, enjoy and live with love! ]