Whether kindness is always full-fledged? Part second.
the Following type of defective kindness are
2. Kindness harmful when consequences are negative for the recipient.
“ Kindness it is possible to do often harm therefore when you want to do good, carefully consider everything “. Hong Zichen.
On the one hand, nobody should not nothing to anybody - just treat others as you want that treated you. But this option of kindness is unhealthy first of all for those to whom kind acts are addressed. People need to acquire own experience, they have to participate as much as possible in improvement of quality of own life (both when moving to the new apartment, and at hunger in Somalia - people counted upon regular humanitarian aid then, filled up own agriculture and when once the help did not appear in time, here - that the tragedy and happened). They have to learn to make mistakes, to learn to live with the made mistakes and to learn not to make new. That side effect of actions “ for the good “ there can be absolutely spoiled relations, for many not news too. The kind person sincerely wishes to facilitate the neighbor`s fate, he knows beyond doubt as to make it. Also does. Owing to own ideas of the benefit, notice.
Usually this option is executed with acquaintances and friends, is frequent - with children for whom the loving grandmothers not finding sense in trainings - crammings - reading - judgment - skills of self-service feel sorry.
Well, and all are ready to give advice at us in general.
3. Kindness harmful is adjoined by kindness thoughtless when just you do not reflect that consequences of the choice will affect in remote or not in so long-term future YOU or the third party.
Certainly, making a kind act, you anyway cause yourself damage, paying off with time, money, forces or personal space. But scales of damage happen different, and in normal option do not exceed act value.
Here, for example, there arrived to you the next relatives for the purpose of resettlement to your city. You did not call them, but as the person, on the one hand trouble-free, and with another improvident, you do not take vacation, do not charge part of cases by that who already passed this way as object of your kindness, do not stimulate relatives on active behavior, and just ask for leave over and over again from work and solve - solve - solve problems of the family.
Time you will ask for leave, two you will ask for leave, on the third time the chief already and glances slantwise. And on the fourth does not release and suggests to think of dismissal.
And to whom it is good from your kindness? To relatives and that not fully because descend the tram about a rail, go wrong something, they will need the help again. And you did not teach them to independence, watch point two. And at there is no opportunity to give help any more.
4. And, at last, the kindness compelled when you choose smaller of the evils, fluctuating between to pass for the swine vile or to give the last / to feel discomfort.
“ As it is impossible to blame for involuntary offense, so it is impossible and to praise for the compelled blessing “. Euripedes
I is time to remember the principle here that any good deed does not remain unpunished, any kindness is followed by a long loop of consumerism. And reaction becomes chain in the sense that new and new people follow kindness to you, but not to those to whom you helped. Here also you help... also you help... also you help... also you help... also you fly into a rage gradually. As speak “ not at us “ first time you are a victim, second time a volunteer.
5. Separately there are effects from kindness. With effect positive everything is clear. You do a good deed, it goes for the good, you do not feel deceived, the recipient is successful - on a quota of the got kindness.
With effect negative it is harder and harder.
Examples are versatile as kindness manifestations are versatile.
You give to the fellow - the beggar, he buys vodka.
you Improve anatomy of a cat, considering that so to it, a pet, better. Will not receive kicks for the fact that “ marks “ territory.
you do not go to summer camp to the child, “ that was not upset “.
Without direct request, considering that it is necessary to be sympathetic, you make an attempt to unload psychologically the acquaintance. Comes to an end with the conflict without winners because the acquaintance, to put it mildly, is unstable. It was necessary to remember Hippocrates`s principle “ Do not do much harm “ and not to interfere, especially, if there was no special knowledge. In this case egoism would be more justified, than attempt to make a good deed.
Verdict. Good intentions paved the road to hell.
at the heart of kindness. As soon as something else is mixed, kindness turns into the ugly similarity.
To pay more, than request, to the grandmother trading in raspberry, having by all means explained that it is inconvenient to you to pay a little, “ on that corner is more expensive “.
to Carry things from which the children grew up, not to an entrance, and adresno - in orphanage. And it is even better to think at first, and then to begin to work - to call, for example, in department of social protection and to ask previously to whom it is more necessary. In general the movement of volunteers gains strength and if there is no center of the help in your city, it is always possible to learn to whom to send by mail. On the known female portal (I also suspect that not on one) there is even a section coordinating activity of volunteers. But it for that who have an opportunity a postage to bear.
Kindness - responsibility.
Kindness - reasonableness and taking into account of consequences.
Kindness - what can make us better if ourselves do not spoil everything.]