Who falls a victim of abortion?
First that I asked after abortion: “ And I still will have children? “ The Doctor who was extremely kind before suddenly cried: “ And who will be able to answer you this question? What you thought earlier of? “
And, it seems, anything terrible - an anesthesia, operation, you do not feel pain... But after you recover, it becomes unimaginable pakostno at heart. It is so vile that there is a wish to begin to whimper quietly.
I would become good mother. One would bring up the child. But at me would be to live for the sake of whom for the sake of whom to come back home every day.
Everything occurred very chaotically. I quickly enough found changes in an organism and bought the test. The test yielded positive result, and I went to hold council to girlfriends.
Little girls were excited by gravity of a problem, we got shot glasses, vodka, sat down at a table... And all girlfriends unanimously began to discuss what I will lose in life if I decide to leave the child. “ You are lonely, it is necessary to leave work, it is necessary to give up a thought of career, will lose acquaintances because nobody will want to communicate with mummy from whom he smells of milk and on mind one pampers “ - spoke to me. And I understood that they are right. How many such mothers broke away from our amicable company! At first you swear an oath - we will communicate as before, but it is impossible, the difference in interests is too big, then you call only on holidays, and then at all cease to be on friendly terms. I was frightened to remain absolutely alone.
When there is no child yet, you perceive him not as person and as a problem. What now to do? How you will cope one? How then you will arrange private life? Whether you will be able to captivate after the delivery hearts of men? Who marries you if you with the child? It is too much questions - and all questions of itself, any about not been born child. I do not think that I killed the person though and has to think of it - on the fourth week at the child heart already fights... Heart! You understand?
When Lesova learned about abortion, she ceased to talk to me. She is infertile, three years they with the husband go on the world and are treated by all available methods of traditional and not traditional medicine. She cannot understand why so occurs. It so needs the child and it will never have the, and I go and I do abortion. And my neigbour - the drunkard has three children, the dirty torn-off and hungry children. And Lesova will never have the. Though now, perhaps, as I will not have the...
If we forbade abortions, I would not make such mistake. If I though a little, for the first time, thought not only of myself, I would not make such mistake. And at me the kid would be born. It is good if it was the girl, I could dress up her both would teach to sing and dance, and would be proud of her, and bragged to acquaintances. And I would be happy, everything would be hard, but I would be happy. Everything would be in a different way.
I think that I returned, as well as wanted, to the former life. I earn a lot of money, I meet men, I drink coffee and I gossip with girlfriends. For the sake of what I live? Everything so mixed up in our world. I live for the sake of money. That they became more. Not for the sake of money in the form of material benefits because in fact anything special is not necessary to me, and for the sake of money in the form of pieces of paper. That lay accurate packs and warmed my lost soul. Still I live for the sake of meetings with men - I look for everything better and more richly that was a worthy father to my children. And men, in turn, look for good mother for the future children. And nobody ever will want such as I. I for the first time had a chance to become the normal person. Only I disposed of it in own way.
You know what I do now? I choose a mink coat for four thousand dollars because my life is deprived of any sense.]