To become good or to be bad?Psychologists (representatives of the transaktny analysis) describe four living positions which develop at the child on the third year of life:
1. I am bad, you are good.
2. I am bad, you are bad.
3. I am good, you are bad.
4. I am good, you are good.
The child owing to the fact that he is small, clumsy and is not able to do much while surrounding adults are able everything, stops on one of the three first positions.
“ I am bad, you good “ - a universal position of the early childhood. The child relies upon favor of people around. They can make to it pleasant, and can punish, can caress, but it is necessary to deserve these “ strokings “.
If this position remains for a long time, then the person tries to support a position in several ways:
Requirement in “ strokings “ it is satisfied by means of imaginations, it assumes the hermit`s life not to destroy illusion “ if “.
Need for confirmation of a " position; I bad “ induces the person to annoy people around “ I am bad, well and I will be bad “: so the little hooligan, and then the adult loser behaves.
Often in the beginning the person seeks to please stronger, to meet approval, but gradually comes to a conclusion: “ What I did, I by all the same bad “. " position ; I am bad, you bad “ arises at the child if he was a little caressed, he received " a little; strokings “ since childhood (it is the most hard case), but more often it appears to replace a " position; I am bad, you good “ after reduction of care and caress in process of the child`s growing. Such person is fenced off from people around, often acts to the detriment of himself and others, is not able to derive pleasure from life.
" position ; I am good, you bad “ it is noticed at children who were raised in system of rigid relationship, it appears at the little martyr when he “ licks the wounds “. Later he becomes cruel, hatred gives it force. Its tragedy that he is not capable to realize the responsibility for the events even at mature age: always people around are guilty of everything, it is only protected. If there is a person capable to love it, he does not trust it and even begins to despise it for the kind relation to himself. It is type of the potential criminal.
The person occupying one of the first three positions experiences difficulties, trying to understand positions of other person. It is more focused on protection of itself(himself) against an environment and needs information improving a possibility of self-defense. He just once cannot also understand identity of other person.
Full sincere dialogue is possible only with the person who is on the fourth position. " position ; I am good, you good “ only, based not only on feelings, but being result of reflections, beliefs and desires to work.
This strong-willed decision which is made by the person. to the Child can be helped
with it, creating conditions in which he can show the “ horoshest “ to realize the importance and the importance of other people.
Later this position is developed by the person by conscious efforts for long years, and is more or less successful.
Conscious efforts are our steps on manifestation of own importance and uniqueness.
So what decision YOU made?