How children at different age perceive divorce?Divorce of parents assume serious changes in the small world of the child - a family. It is the injuring process as a result of which children experience the whole range of negative emotions: rage, alarm, fear, grief, etc. The age of the child significantly influences perception to them divorce and understanding of structure of a family.
From the birth till 18 months. Children of such age feel by
tension in the relations of parents, but cannot realize the cause of conflict yet. If quarrels between parents have constant character, the child becomes irritable and nervous, it often has attacks of bad mood, especially in the presence of strangers. Such children often lag behind in development.
How to smooth negative consequences? Children need stability and proximity with dear people. Try to keep the mode which was before divorce, especially concerning food and a dream. Provide the child with his favourite toys, you spend time with him longer usual, you hold on hands more often, thereby providing physical comfort. Use the help of friends and relatives to have an opportunity to have a rest and be vigorous when it is necessary in communication with the child.
18 months - 3 years.
At this age emotional connection with parents the strongest, the whole world of the child is concentrated on the father and mother. Children endure divorce very difficult, it is difficult for them to accept the fact of parting of parents. Kids often think that the father and mother left from - for them. Children require to themselves more attention, cry more often and are capricious. They can have a development delay, there are habits which cornerstone the endured stress, for example, sucking of a finger is. Children have a fear of loneliness, a problem with a dream, they are afraid to remain at night one.
How to smooth negative consequences? Whenever possible, parents have to cooperate with each other to provide to the child a stable day regimen. It is necessary to find for the child more time and attention (to together read books, etc., generally, to do something together, but not just to take away the child in a sandbox that he dug in sand, and you read the magazine) and to ask to do it also relatives and friends with whom the kid likes to communicate. If the child rather big, discuss with him his feelings.
3 years - 6 years.
Preschool children do not understand all essence of divorce yet, but do not want that parents left, despite intensity of the relations. They feel that they cannot influence a situation which consequences to them are unknown and uncontrollable. From there are feelings of uncertainty, alarm and fear, fear of loneliness, darkness, sleeplessness. Preschool children can also blame themselves divorced parents.
How to smooth negative consequences? Ideal option - when parents disperse without quarrels, scandals and mutual reproaches, at the same time positively estimating the changes happening in their life (“ times did not develop, we will leave friends “) . Such option of divorce least of all injures the child as at this age he feels emotions of parents even if they try to hide them. The preschool child needs someone with whom he can discuss the feelings. It can be the grandmother or the grandfather, any person to whom the child trusts and, but not to adjust who will objectively look at the events of the preschool child against one of parents. At this age children well react to special books about divorce. The child needs also to know precisely that he will not cease to see that parent who leaves. For this purpose it is necessary to make the accurate schedule and to adhere to it.
6 - 11 years.
Children are afraid to remain one as a result of divorce. They can feel fear any more never to see the father if they remain to live with mother and vice versa. Children can believe that they will be able to restore the relations between the father and mother, and can be angry with one of parents, divide them on “ good “ and “ bad “. School students can accuse the father or mother of egoism and to express the anger in the different ways: bad behavior, bad notes, dispassionateness from the outside world, etc. The stress at children is often resulted by problems with a stomach, and the head hurts.
How to smooth negative consequences? needs to restore the safety which reeled as a result of divorce feeling and a self-assessment. For this purpose each of parents has to spend qualitatively and interestingly with the child free time, discuss with it its feelings, convince both words and actions that any of parents will not throw it and that it is not guilty in the circumstances. At the same time parents should not accuse each other of what occurred and to explain to the child that divorce was their common decision. It is important to support the accurate schedule of visits as most of all advantage during the stressful period gives the stable mode when the child knows when also what to it to expect. It is very useful to develop the accurate schedule of visits.
Anyway, during this difficult period the child needs to communicate as much as possible with friends, relatives and with peers, to participate in various sporting events, to go to any sections and circles, etc. as active social life allows to distract from unpleasant thoughts, raises a self-assessment and does not allow to become reserved.