How it is correct to praise the child? WhetherThought we of this question? The praise can be as useful, and to do harm. Here that psychologists suspect this subject:
it is harmful if praise the child for what comes to him easily, for what is given it by the nature. The praise not for work, not for effort, and only for existence of ability does not give anything that really would be necessary for the child for his development. And it can do much harm, especially at its repetition. Repetition of a praise needlessly works as drug: the child gets used to it and waits for it. It like feeling of the superiority over others and if it is not accustomed to the work realizing its abilities, then can not take place as the personality: the egocentrism completely will close it on itself, it all will go to expectation of admiration and praises. Their termination will cause that chronic discomfort from which are born envy, petty sensitivity, jealousy of foreign success, suspiciousness and other burdensome attributes of an egocentrism, cancelled “ genius “.
It is twice harmful to span to praise the one to whom something comes easily, holding up it as an example that to whom same it is given difficult, contrary to efforts. Abusing one and praising another, imposing it as an example of the first, they are opposed each other. The fact of an unfair assessment of effort, is more right - concealment, its ignoring, hard injures mentality of the child (and not only the child!) . It reduces motivation to business. And opposition cannot cause desire “ to follow an example “ from the one who is unfairly praised. On the contrary, it only removes them from each other, oppressing one and corrupting another. Opposition cultivates unhealthy rivalry which stimulates not diligence, but egocentric tendencies at all. Opposition it is possible to cause negativism, refusal of those kinds of activity which do not guarantee success.
it is harmful when praise too often, without any need and it is insincere. It both depreciates a praise, and accustoms to cheap success, and promotes the thoughtless relation to what proceeds from seniors. Watching children, their seniors, you will be able to see also others of harm of a rash praise.
How it is necessary to praise? it is Only sincere, serious and convincing
. To release a praise in the doses proportional to its purpose!
For what the child needs a praise?
to give it self-confidence if it is not enough. To give force. To restore the lost emotional wellbeing. To compensate the damage caused by someone (any)... The child needs a huge stock of optimism on all forthcoming life. Purpose of a praise - to fill up this stock or to compensate its loss. Among semiliterate old great-grandmothers and great-grandfathers there are multiwise tutors, very sensitive to action of the word: “ To Praise - that intelligently nadot! “ And if rare and necessary ability in the child is noticed by them, they will not hide it from him, will let it know that it is gifted. But as! About the value of the gift which is released by the nature it is put some idea along with thought of responsibility for this gift, of the serious relation to it: “ Gift - it seemingly for nothing and to fulfill it - all life... “
From what party you will look, deficiency of serious, it is thoughtful - respect for the child many minuses in his development including the egocentrism - that which does not pass over time and grows into character are caused, differently spoiling it.
One is unfairly flattered and therefore it is intolerably haughty, arrogant, haughty.
Another - not by the extent of fault - is publicly shamed (there is, for example, still such terrible form of a sadism in kindergartens - a violent exposure of the child before peers on derision and shame), and now for many years he feels or need to hide (such “ egocentrism inside out “) or attacks of burning hatred to everything that not it, or still something so abnormal.
The third, by nature stenichny (active and strong), did not receive the substantial, creating orientation of the activity and now is roughly persuasive in the consumer egoism.
The fourth, habitually standing in a class corner, finds the status of the clown, but not it from which the good circus clown could turn out: Yury Nikulin except talent of the great clown had that level of human dignity which causes the deep respect adequate to depth of this rich personality and serious actor. And the aping from a corner on a fun to a class caused by requirement to compensate emotional lameness of the situation becomes - besides for many years - one of the leading strokes of a psychological portrait: in it the most pathetic type of an egocentrism which almost excludes self-esteem (and often and without “ almost “) .
The fifth... The tenth... The options of an egocentrism multiplied by various degrees of its pathology, a vast set...