Why children aged from 2 till 5 years are stubborn? WhetherWill be on light the child whom though once would not call stubborn? It is unlikely. Obstinacy - most, perhaps, “ popular “ from all children`s shortcomings. Many parents complain of it. And without exaggeration it is possible to tell that it is a problem number one in the relations of parents and children.
As often your child after game, despite constant reminders and requests, does not hurry to collect toys. How many the time you spend on convincing it to clean up, remember. And at the age of two with small years this everyday occurrence, also you should not abuse and slap the child for carelessness. It is not necessary to get with special persistence accuracy into the child`s head at this age. It can cause in it heightened sense of fault at failures over time, fear to make something not so, uncertainty in itself. To all the hour and time! In five - six years he does not demand any more that you spoon-fed him? It is necessary to learn, of course, but without excessive insistence, on a situation, considering real opportunities and mood of the kid at present. He can make something itself, he should be helped with something, to clean together, but not to plague moreover shame and threaten. And to us does not prevent to look at himself from outside: whether all of us clean up at once whether all of us keep the promises what tone all of us talk to children?
Besides parents exacting and impatient is also imperious which cannot live day without orders and coercions. Credos of such parents - children have to obey implicitly in everything parents. And the unilaterality, bias and injustice of command tone are realized even by kids - not without reason they ask not to shout at them.
So, from the parental point of view, the child refuses to clean toys. And actually it is not ready to do it constantly yet: there is no sense of responsibility yet. And when the kid begins to cry with hails, he, perhaps, has feeling of confusion, endures some kind of misunderstanding: only to it allowed to scatter somehow toys and to derive pleasure from game - and here not only that it is necessary to cease to play, but also still to clean up!
And to punish for inefficiency? What to punish for - for a nesmyshlenost? For inability quickly “ to be reconstructed “? For unwillingness to clean toys alone when so there is a wish to make it together with mother or the father? And unless the conflict situation will be created if parents for a while leave the affairs and together with the kid will clean toys?
It is rather “ bad “ the kid can just become because that we him too early force to be an adult! Under the threat of punishment he, of course, can obey you. And or will not obey others, or, what is more often, will make false promises to behave as it is necessary, to obey the father, mother, the grandfather, the grandmother, the aunt, the uncle or anyone in addition. So excessively early and excessive requirements of obligation lead to a non-obligation in the relations with people around, to readiness according to the first requirement to promise anything, - to some kind of self-defense. In a word, those parents who do not demand unrealizable are at war with children less often!
As option of obstinacy it is possible to consider also sticktoitiveness when children try to obtain in any ways the. It is expressed in various ways: infinite requests and crying, moaning and sticking, irritability and capriciousness. Where sources of similar behavior? First of all in ourselves, in our behavior. We willingly read books and articles about development in the child by two years of feeling “ I “ independence and strong-willed beginnings. But hardly we only turn out as parents as our ambitions begin to exceed common sense. How - to concede it to such kid, to follow his tastes? What will be farther? “ Will mount Upon a neck " soon; - uneasy friends and acquaintances add fuel to the fire. While the getting is good, it is necessary to show it backbone.
Annoying children, as a rule, are at the same parents who, quite often without giving itself in it the report, are exacting and impatient, violently react if their requirements immediately are not executed, moralize endlessly or punish. These parents are inclined to plan each step of the child. Vigorous by nature, capable, with the developed self-respect children cannot long maintain such blocking of their opportunities. Them “ pristavuchest “ also there is an attempt to achieve recognition of own rights.
If you learn to react in due time to needs and needs of the child, but will not wave away from him, as from an importunate fly, then sticktoitiveness gradually (not at once!) will disappear.
We will try to understand at last: the child goes obstinate just because he is a child, for it it is unnatural to be such adult what adults want to see it! He imitates them, with pleasure masters new skills. But at the same time he wants to be oneself, grow as is, but not to be any winding mechanism programmed on in time to speak “ hello “ “ good-bye “ “ thanks “ and “ please “. Unnaturally for the child, without having stirred, to sit at a table and, with bated breath, to listen to what is told by parents. It is unnatural when demand from it: you should not jump, run, rustle, say when you are not asked!
In a similar situation in two years the child can already have a neurosis. Because features of his temperament, formation " were not considered; I “ its increased emotionality and sensitivity. In the attitudes towards him did not get tenderness and caress, but there was enough formalism and sketchiness. The child, in response to similar misunderstanding from parents, begins simply not “ to hear “ parental remarks, requirements and threats, long digs during the clothing and an undressing, food, than enrages impatient and nervous parents even more. This behavior - a symptom, a trouble sign. We, adults, overdid. But, unfortunately, not all parents can understand it and continue to increase and increase the volume of requirements. Then natural mechanisms of protection work. They, fortunately, are in our mentality, they only last not for long, alas.
If the child continues to live in similar conditions, his behavior begins to remind obstinacy. It is shown in hypererethism, irritability from - for trifles, inadequately strong reaction of offense, crying, discontent and a protest at the slightest pretext and without it.
Here it is necessary not to moralize and the more so not to punish children - it most often only aggravates painful frustration. Adults need to reconsider once again the tactics of education, not to fall into ambitions, and to reflect and find forces to recognize own mistakes.
Otherwise, the child begins to perceive everything on the contrary, to speak “ is not present “ instead of “ yes “ to sit down if it is necessary to rise, throws, but does not lift a toy, there is whimsical to a limit, all not on it, everything refuses or demands everything. Parents, of course, are not able to take out this behavior and conduct it in policlinic. The doctor writes out to the child something calming.
And that medicine it is necessary to write out - first of all not to children, but parents! Only there is no remedy for inflexibility and excessive “ adherences to principles “. Also there is nothing to hope for drugs - it is just necessary to reduce number of bans and requirements, more often to be together with children - to play, laugh and rejoice together with them more. And can just drink something calming?
The special attention is required by nervnooslablenny children, with the raised impressionability and vulnerability, and also lefthanders. In the latter case to give toys, a spoon it is better serially in both hands. If kid “ stubborn “ prefers to take everything the left hand, do not interfere with it. For stubborn aspiration to make the lefthander the right-handed person payment there will be an obstinacy, and further - also stutter is frequent.