Can you quarrel correctly?“ Too to me science! “ - you will think and you will be absolutely wrong. Competently constructed quarrel can affect your relations with the partner very well.
From quarrels even the most ideal couples are not insured. But all quarrel differently. One, having thoroughly shouted at each other, endure then nearly new honeymoon, and others, having exchanged only “ in couple tender “ words, seriously think of divorce. Why so happens?
Language one and not to do without translator. People have only one reliable way of transfer of the thoughts and emotions - words. Thanks to words we try to understand and be clear, is and still frequent at the same time we as if we speak different languages. We perceive words of the partner through a prism of the personal experience and an emotional state, so, not always adequately.
Psychologists consider that quarrels in couples most often happen not from - for principal differences between partners, and from - for incorrectly understood words of each other. Sometimes mutual misunderstanding reaches such degree that the man and the woman should resort to a translation service - this function in the field of the interpersonal relations is usually carried out by psychotherapists and employees of family consultations.
Unfortunately, the expert people most often ask for the help when the relations are already hopelessly spoiled. Not to risk family happiness, I advise to remember several simple receptions thanks to which it will become much easier for you to find a common language with men.
Expressions of the increased fortress. There is a number of words and statements, having heard which, nearly any man begins to fly into a rage, regardless of that, the truth contains in these words or not. Remember them and try to avoid “ hot phrases “ during a showdown. These dangerous expressions: “ Everything from - for you “; “ You are guilty “; “ You promised “; “ Has to because “; “ I said to you that it was necessary “; “ If you loved me “; “ Mother was right when she spoke “.
If your purpose - not to offend the interlocutor, and to convey necessary information to him, try to express the thoughts more correctly and, the main thing, do not remember about mother - neither about it, nor about the. And, certainly, during quarrel the vanity of words is better to abstain from abusive and hurting. Because then you will remember only these insults, having safely forgotten about the subject of quarrel. Of course, when all arguments are settled, and there are a wish to tell it something such (better to refrain from examples).
But even the most furious emotions can give vent in the form of quite acceptable expressions. The main thing - not what to tell and as! And when quarrel otburlit, do not hesitate to tell to the satellite kind words. If in your family tender and confidential style of communication was established, then even the roughnesses thrown in a temper will be washed away by a flow of habitual kind words. If you remember for years as who whom called, rare “ I love “ will be lost in this stream of abuse.
We pass to flight analysis. If after quarrel you together (or at least independently) analyse what everything began with, then, most likely, you will draw interesting conclusions. For example, you remember that though your husband also does not take out any pressure, you declared to it: “ If you do not beat these regiments, I will throw out all your tools to devils - all the same you do not use them! “ And it is not important that these regiments were lovingly chosen by you in shop and you neither a dream, nor spirit were not going to throw out husband`s tools, all the same the spouse apprehended your attack as the ultimatum, and about regiments right there forgot. In a couple of minutes when scandal reached heat, you also forgot about regiments.
So if you are regularly engaged “ blamestorming session “ to pay attention, on as why you became angry, gradually verbal “ braid “ and “ stone “ will begin to grind off, the way of expression of thoughts will become clear each other, and all key irritants will lose former force. And then you, at last, will even discuss the most burning issues not in paints, and in details.