What is an assertivnost or How to become self-assured?Even more often trainings on development of self-confidence began to be called trainings of an assertivnost. This word comes from English “ assert “ meaning “ to declare oneself “. In general the assertivnost is an ability to advocate the interests, to protect itself, without infringing at the same time upon interests of people around.
In Russian self-confidence is fidelity to itself , self-confidence and the forces, I would add also acceptance of, including the weaknesses, and permission to itself to be mistaken. Unfortunately, often self-confidence is confused to self-confidence, even impudent behavior though actually it is rather protective reaction therefore in the term the assertivnost is placed emphasis on the fact that upholding of interests goes not at the expense of others.
From where uncertainty in itself undertakes? Of course, from the childhood! From disbelief of parents, teachers, grandmothers - grandfathers in your abilities, in your future. From fixing of their attention on inability, awkwardness and shortcomings to the detriment of advantages. For fears to look insufficiently good and correct. But uncertainty can develop also from other extreme - the illusions imparted by parents about invincibility, that you are the best of all. The first defeats can lead to huge disappointment in themselves and the forces.
And just like that voluntarily it is impossible to become self-assured. It is necessary to be released gradually from everything imposed, returning themselves themselves. It is similar to the Russian fairy tales when Soul - the maiden is stolen and ground in Koshchey`s kingdom. In my opinion, Koshchey, or of Bones consisting of bones , is a symbol of restrictions, gesture of a bone (again bones!) and the seeming immortality. But all restrictions will fail when understanding that all this only the imposed and accepted representations put before themselves and covering reality comes. Then that the way to confidence is a way to itself, it is possible also remote, to release of the Soul from any fetters.
For a start we will define, than the confident person differs from uncertain:
1) The self-assured person recognizes the achievements and results of the life while uncertain all good in itself seems self-evident, and all unpleasant pricks eyes and does not allow to live.
2) The self-assured person not only realizes the forces, but also really sees the weaknesses. And what he is not able to do yet and does not know, he will not do therefore will not receive disappointment.
3) The self-assured person sets the real purposes, commensurating the opportunities with obstacles. Uncertain often puts very high levels of achievements, and, without having managed to overcome them, suffers.
4) The self-assured person knows the forces, abilities and finds him adequate scope of application. Besides, from this he derives pleasure and pleasure when it turns out and if something is impossible - it is an occasion to carry out a correction of mistakes, to learn next time to improve result. Uncertain people most often are content with what to them is offered, rejoicing that they though are necessary to someone. All of them try to do well, but any failure unsettles them because they are engaged not in the fact that it is really interesting to them, and what is entrusted. In such situation there is no wish to study on mistakes at all.
It is quite possible that you will find other differences, observe …
1) Get a notebook, in kotoroyva you will describe all the achievements, since the smallest age, all you learned and that you are able. I Can tell
, as leaving school is a considerable achievement, not at all it turns out.
2) Seriously think of the calling and mission, of in what it is interesting to you to be engaged personally. Self-realization is one of conditions of happiness and self-confidence.
3) Carry out inventory strong and weaknesses. It is very good to ask friends, parents, friends - what they you appreciate that in you is pleasant to them.
Set the purposes, being guided by the force and such abilities which can be developed and strengthened, transferred to the category of force.
4) Trust in the forces, approve, encourage and reward yourself, without waiting when it someone makes another.
5) Realize and fill up the resources, everything that can help you where you can derive strength. Here you will be able to address during the periods of failures. Periodically fill up this list.
6) You learn to transfer weakness to force, to see an opportunity in each obstacle. Realize the restrictions and work on them. Remember that everyone has them. You should not hide them, better to say at once - I cannot make it yet, I am not enough
I know. In it too force secret.
7) And constantly study, develop, besides, recognizing themselves.
So self-confidence is the whole way, but a way fortunately, to pleasure, a way to itself.