How to the divorced man to live on two families? You Knowwhat is the man between the devil and the deep sea? No, it is not the lady`s man who is rushing about between the lawful wife and absolutely illegal, but attractive mistress at all. It can be also quite respectable family man who is sincerely wishing to take part in education of children from first marriage, but forced to be broken off between wishes of the former spouse and requirements of present. Whether it is possible to avoid so sad fate? Undoubtedly! Stalemates, as we know, do not happen.
So who can facilitate life to the sufferer who is honestly trying to observe interests of all to whom it is anyway attached? Those is at least three - the ex-wife, present and... the hero of our today`s novel!. Sometimes, however, an exit from a difficult situation is prompted by children for the sake of whose benefit this strange triangle is formed of one man and two women. However to stake on the children`s help somehow unpresentably. Eventually, adults have to understand the problems.
Councils to the wife No. 1
the Wife No. 1 is not sequence, but a rank. This is the most important wife - real. Why main? Because the greatest number of its interests is staked. We consider: and not to deprive itself, and the children born in this marriage, to grow up happy, and to keep the relations with the husband, and about his health to take care. That the citizen - the multimachine operator did not exhaust earlier, than all ladies and children interested in him will receive due. And therefore, take - reins of government a triangle in the hands!
Convince the husband to make the schedule: when in what family it “ works as the father “. Holidays, days off and vacation need to be divided between children from the first family and present members of household on justice. Surely consider when scheduling birthdays of all interested persons - children of the first and second stage, your own, mother-in-law`s etc., and also other events, for example the wedding day that the man really had an opportunity in due time to appear in the right place.
If you want that you got more time and attention of own husband, it is necessary to make friends with his children from the previous marriage. But not to pretend that you love them and you welcome, and to make friends really. Then the husband will be able, at least sometimes, to combine a meeting with that child and carrying out leisure in your society.
Suggest the husband to acquaint you with his ex-wife - under a pretext that you want to specify at her what participation in education of her child of you it allows. On the conversation course if you understand that it is not a monster, safely send the husband in shop behind cake and talk to ex-the competitor confidentially. Quite often women understand each other directly better, than through mediation “ general husband “.
If the ex-wife of your husband - the person excessively emotional and excited, convince him to demand from her a situation statement detail every time when she in a hysterics calls and demands its intervention, breaking its personal or your joint plans. For preservation of your nerves and its health. One business if that child fell down from a tree (God forbid) and broke a hand or it was caught red-handed with a vodka bottle in hands, and absolutely another if he it is banal obtained the two on geography or za6yl to take out a garbage can.
And now - the most important: so far as the part of free time your husband everything is will give to children from the previous marriage, take care of own leisure. Find an interesting hobby, actively communicate with the friends, do not forget relatives. In a word, in the most thorough way think over how to avoid a role of the victim - the thrown and unfortunate woman. Otherwise joint life with the man who has children from other woman, threatens to turn into real hell.
Councils ex-the wife
As from all your former rights available remained only the partner rights with the father of your child, urgently try to classify all those negative emotions which you experience in relation to the former spouse, and at the same time and to his present wife. If the help is necessary, look for it not at mother or girlfriends, and at the psychologist. Loud scandals with a ware beating, as well as dragging of the successful competitor for hair - not the most reasonable tactics at this combination of circumstances.
Make the list of those moments in which you for certain will need the help of the ex-husband, including finance, and acquaint him with it “ document “. Discuss each point separately and reach compromise. At desire it is possible, we assure you!
Try not to pull the father of the children more often than it is defined by the joint contract. Except for force majeure circumstances. Besides, if he does not object, it is better to call him on mobile, but not on work or home. You remember, annoying people usually receive irritation in the address, but not keen interest.
If the new wife of your ex-husband not too seeks to enter with you into the friendly relations, not especially stick. Eventually, she is not obliged to take a liking to you at all. Support the cold, but polite relations. And upas you god “ to open it eyes “ on all features of your character “ the general “ men, especially intimate!
If you managed to arrange anew the private life, suggest present and former husbands to get acquainted and discuss to what degree the stepfather has the right to interfere with education of your child. If men do not show desire to rush at each other with fists, can quietly go to a hairdressing salon or shop not to wait in the neighboring room, than this man`s small party will end. Both of them are adults, will understand.
Advice to the man
of the Woman, as we know, persons emotional, and therefore you are the most soberminded member of the developed triangle. Get a healthy habit “ to divide on 16 “ all passions - mordast which from two parties pour on your poor head. Carefully separate the facts from emotional loading and only after it make the decision.
Honestly answer (at least to yourself) a question: with which of women you value the relations more? It will help you to place priorities in disputable situations.
I, at last, the last: you remember that not to embrace immensity. Well it will not turn out to be at you the excellent student on all formed fronts! Therefore before making promises of one of the demanding parties, properly weigh the real opportunities. Let everyone be better will receive only a half demanded, but you will remain in good health, than you will overstrain, otra6atyvaya all applications at full scale. Also you will not be able long to be to anybody useful...
Finally there is a wish to warn: from given above there is no impracticable council. From each of members of a triangle it is required all - navsy slightly - slightly desires to come to consensus and a droplet of common sense. Remember a sad fate of Lebed, Cancer and the Pike and do not assimilate to them!