How it is correct to react to rudeness?Experience of behavior in society are saved up at us from the earliest age. Mother strictly speaks to the kid: “ It is impossible! “ Thereby she lets it know that she is cleverer, is more skilled and her point of view is indisputable. Of course, it means well, however the child perceives it as the arbitrariness limiting its freedom. In search of an exit from similar situations the child is accustomed either to reconcile, or to revolt.
So the first role which we should play in lives, - a role “ subordinate “. We perceive it in the relations with “ chiefs “ different " level; legislative “ and “ executive “ the authorities, parents, grandmothers, elder brothers and sisters, teachers in kindergarten. It is not sophisticated that we seek to abandon this role. The three-year-old peanut can already tell two-year-old: “ I do not potter with you - you are small! “ At the same time the senior obviously has satisfaction from demonstration of the superiority. When parents speak to the child: “ And well - clean toys now! “ think that accustom him to an order and discipline. But the general mood in such situation something reminds army “ hazing “. The child can obediently clean everything, and can and angrily snap. And here on life rudeness begins to accompany it. Rudeness is an action which purpose - to humiliate other person. And the humiliation is usually sharply endured by the humiliated party that gives to the boor pleasure. As rudeness is many-sided! From a frank insult to the thinnest irony, from strong language before the movement of an eyebrow.
Already in children`s collective it is possible to call same as you, the kid, and with it mocked already nobody will want to be found. But will stretch to you, resourceful and strong. Adults use different types of rudeness as means of promoting on a social ladder. For example, it is possible to deride publicly the colleague for an insignificant miss and by that to put itself above it.
There are people to whom process of rudeness is valuable in itself, regardless of any calculations. The emotional aspect is important for them. Well-known option: to dial at random phone number and to tell mucks to the unknown interlocutor. And, having hung up, to receive the “ modest “ pleasure, representing as badly to the person on that end of a wire. Such form of coward anonymous self-affirmation is characteristic of teenagers.
Especially sharply we perceive rudeness when we do not wait for it. At the same time roughness of the chief, as a rule, “ it is swallowed “ - higher, on general idea, has the right for criticism. Most painfully we react to tricks of those whom we consider equal on a rank. The same whom we consider below ourselves can already hardly give us serious trouble.
Rudeness can be sharp (sudden, unexpected) and chronic (when the person with whom we are forced to maintain the relations, for example intra family is rude).
How we react to rudeness?
Uncertain reaction is, as a rule, characteristic at unexpected roughness or when it proceeds from the one who is higher than us by a social status. If it is possible to keep silent and endure, the unpleasant feeling all the same remains. The boor knows about it therefore he tests satisfaction - he in this round won. Ourselves are as if set up under rudeness by the excessively soft behavior, uncertainty, sometimes we accompany rude fellows and impudent fellows, provoking attack.
Aggressive reaction to roughness most often meets in everyday situations. It is boorish counterattack, that is the answer approximately the same way. There is an irritation - us forced to behave as we and did not gather. The offender understands it not worse than offended - means, the objectives are achieved. Therefore psychologists recommend not to react to an insult at once, it is better to wait several seconds. In this case you win time necessary for the correct assessment of the situation, calm down and are able to afford the most advantageous reaction - sure. For example, the boor called in the bus of the nice citizen the idiot. The citizen looked back, with sincere curiosity looked at the offender, smiled and answered: “ It is necessary, here and my mother-in-law also thinks! “ It Looked so easily and cheerfully that the casual audience began to laugh involuntarily, looking at the tease, and he, without having sustained, jumped out at the first stop. That rudeness was effective, the boor has to touch something significant, expensive to the person: as a rule, it is appearance, honor, mental capacities. If it was not succeeded to touch the person, then the boor, without having managed to impose “ to the victim “ the expected standard reaction, falls into an awkward situation.
In general sure reaction to an insult is an ability to rise over a situation and to depreciate offense. It can be reached, having learned to react not directly to offense, and to what stands behind it. So, without having responded to concrete roughness, it is possible to take an interest quietly at the offender whether he is happy, whether it became easier for him. That is to show it that he hurts you, but you can cope with it. Psychologists consider that the highest skill in communication is an ability without personal damage to help an aggressor to be exempted from the negative emotions which are tearing apart it. Happens and so: the person is sincerely confident that he has the right to state the criticism concerning any situation. At the same to whom the statement, absolutely other representations is addressed and the criticism is perceived as inconsiderate intervention. Such situation is typical for relationship “ fathers and children “. In this case, before drawing conclusions, it is necessary to separate elements of fair criticism from roughness.
One of the most heartrending experiences remain chronic rudeness. Unfortunately, it is almost impossible to limit the circle of contacts only to benevolent, pleasant people. In especially hard cases when small and large humiliations and roughnesses flow a continuous stream day by day, psychologists recommend to get out of the situation. Divorce, a rupture of the relations with parents, children, change of the residence all - is better, than gradual loss of health and taste to life from - for pernicious negative emotions.
Sometimes the situation can be broken, having ceased to feel touched. Here the sense of humour helps - the person who is not perceived seriously, has practically no chances to cause mental anguish. It is necessary to realize that the chronic boor is a chronic fool. Also believe, it will become right there easier: do not take offense at fools... Or to draw a conclusion that the person is just seriously sick, and it already causes pity. The main recommendation of psychologists it is necessary to avoid council rudeness. You should not create situations in which it is possible to be offended, it is not necessary to offer a hand of subjects from whom it is possible to receive offense even if high acquaintance amuses vanity. It is important to be able to create around himself the atmosphere of goodwill: if the person is benevolent, quiet and tolerantly treats people, it is difficult for it to impose aggressive behavior, - in other words, to it it is difficult “ to cling “.