Rus Articles Journal

How to avoid senseless dispute?

Ya I will not open anything new if I tell that people argue. Argue always, everywhere, with all. When it is necessary and when it is excessive. Apropos and without cause.

Give with you, first of all, in avoidance of disagreements and for the best mutual understanding we will be defined that means concept of dispute. And in the best value of this word. And for this purpose we will attentively consider what is done by people who argue.

Each person who is taking part in dispute makes four obligatory actions:

1. States the point of view.

2. Listens to the point of view of the opponent.

3. Puts forward the arguments strengthening the position.

4. Puts forward the arguments weakening a position of the opponent.

Actually dispute, irrespective of its purposes and a subject of discussion, - it is first of all development of stronger position on this specific question. And this position is always stronger, than had each of us before. And absolutely not for nothing from time immemorial to this day all key decisions are accepted more than one person, whether it be policy, business, or even affairs family. In this case for a solution collective intelligence is connected, and it is short-sighted to deny this fact or not to reckon with it at least. Another matter - to accept or not to accept it - here everyone solves. But it already depends on the size and force of your personal EGO rather. And all the same you should choose between the ambitions and positive result, as well as to bear responsibility for it.

Naturally, all these signs of dispute productive, making sense. And dispute senseless differs in the fact that at it all above-stated pluses and advantages are absent. But it is still a floor - troubles. And the trouble begins when it can lead to offenses, scandals, and even to the real conflict. I will already hold back your precious time, lost absolutely in vain.

Why the huge mass of people goes according to such unproductive scenario, despite aspiration it is reasonable to arrive? Personal experience of the author and supervision over other people show that the biggest obstacle is the fact that, using identical words, opponents understand their value absolutely differently. In other words, the arguing parties speak different languages and therefore they do not understand each other. You will never be able to agree with the person if you do not understand what specifically he means, pronouncing these or those words.

Simple example.

say to you that Vasya Pupkin achieved great success in life. The person, having said it, meant the fact that Vasya earned a lot of money and now can live for percent for the rest of the life. And the success in life means for you to have excellent health at respectable age and the Hollywood smile on all 32 teeth. And money to you to a bulb. And while each of you, saying identical sounds, gives them different sense, your dispute will turn into senseless occupation, and it is necessary to you?

Such elementary things, you what here unclear will tell? But in it the paradox when, forgetting about such elementarshchena, clever, educated people with foam at a mouth for hours prove each other the case and a wrongfulness of others also consists.

To direct your dispute to the necessary course, it is enough to follow three simple rules.

1. Find out what significance is attached by your interlocutor to those words which pronounces.

2. Explain him exact value of the words used by you.

3. Be convinced that your interlocutor correctly understood you.

To make all this is not anything difficult and spent for this time will pay off with interest. It will allow you to avoid senseless dispute and all negative moments, from this following.

I very much would like that even such thing as dispute, did you stronger and wiser each time, and let each your dispute is won surely by truth!