How to live with children? Part 1Children are not dogs. Children are impossible “ to train “ as train dogs. Children are not things which can be controlled. Children - also let`s not lose sight of it is it men and women. The child is not some species of an animal, special, unlike the person. The child is a man or the woman, just he not completely grew up.
Any law applicable to behavior of men and women, we will apply also to children.
As if to you it was pleasant to
of i if you were pulled, pushed if mistreated you and did not allow to do that there is a wish? You would be indignant. The only reason, on which the child “ is not indignant “ is that it is small. If with you, the adult, someone addressed as usually treat the child, - ordered, contradicted, showed disrespect, - you would show it where crayfish winter. The child does not hit back only because he is still small. Instead of open fight it soils a floor, interrupts your after-dinner dream, breaks tranquility in the house. Have it the rights, equal with you, it would not become so “ to revenge “. Similar “ revenge “ - this behavior, typical for children.
Self-determination is called the state in which the person at the own choice can be or not be under control of the environment. In this condition of people it is self-assured also in the ability to control the material Universe and other people.
The child has the right for self-determination. You will tell that it will hurt itself(himself) if to allow it to drop on itself(himself) things, to run out on the road etc., etc. Why you, being an adult, force this child to live in such environment which can hurt it? If it breaks things, it is not his fault, and yours.
Caress and love of the child remain only until he can act on the self-determination basis. Preventing it to do it, you prevent it to live in some degree.
The right of the child to make independent decisions is violated for only two reasons: it occurs from - for fragility and danger of the things surrounding it and from - for you. You arrive in relation to it the same as did it in relation to you regardless of the fact that you think about it.
In such situation you have two ways. Create for the child such environment in which he will not be able to destroy anything and will not be able to put itself serious damage, an environment which will not too strongly limit its own space and time, and provide it freedom there. Also learn to treat so tolerantly the child that your tolerance will fill his ignorance of how to make to you that - that pleasant.
If you gave something to the child, it belongs to him. This any more yours. Clothes, toys, the room - everything that was given it, has to remain only under its own control . It tears the shirt, disorganizes the bed, breaks the fire machine. It not your business. It would be pleasant to you, having received a gift for New year, then to listen day after day what with it should be done, and even to be exposed to punishments if you treat it not as the one who presented it considers it necessary? You would tear to pieces the donator and destroyed a gift. You know what you and made. The child torments to you nerves when you treat him in this way.
It is revenge. He cries. It bothers you. It breaks your things. It “ incidentally “ spills milk. And it intentionally breaks those things which it so many times asked to handle accurately. Why? He fights for the self-determination, for the right to own things, for the right to influence what surrounds it. These things - one of channels on which can operate it. So he should fight both against things, and with the one who operates it.
Undoubtedly, some people were brought up so badly that they consider control as an ideal method of education of children. If you want to control the child, just bring him to full apathy, and he will be as obedient as any hypnotized madman. If you want to learn how to operate the child, buy the book on training of dogs, name the child Rex and at first train him to bring the thrown stick, then “ to sit “ and then to ask food. You can train the child takimobrazy. Certainly, you can. But then do not curse destiny if he grows up the blood-thirsty criminal.
Of course, difficulties will be. The child is a person. It is necessary to you hardly because the person became king of beasts only because he could not be overcome as a look. The person, unlike a dog, it is difficult to drive in a condition of obedient apathy. The dog belongs to to the person because the person possesses self-determination, and the dog does not.
© 2010 Applied Formation of the CIS *. All rights reserved. The sincere gratitude of L. Ron Hubbard Library is expressed (to Library L. Ron Hubbard) for kind permission to reproduce fragments from the protected law on copyright of works of L. Ron Hubbard. It is published in Russia.
* Applied Education (Applied Scholastics) is the international noncommercial association which was founded in 1972 by group of teachers, and uses in the activity of work of the famous educator L. Ron Hubbard in the field of education and education of children. It unites more than 750 schools, the centers for training of adult, local groups, the tutors operating in 66 countries of the world.