Children`s aggression ofAuthor: Elena Scherbakova
In the usual sense aggression is a reaction to failure of some activity, plans, to restrictions, bans or unexpected difficulties. Anyway, the purpose of such behavior - elimination of the listed obstacles. And the most frequent reason of concern of parents for behavior of children and the address to experts is just children`s aggression.
By the way, the strongest manifestations of aggression are peculiar to children, and younger age. It is found very much early: already in loud crying of the chest baby any attentive mother will catch the evil, indignant notes. Refused to the kid something and it strongly irritates him. Children are vulnerable and defenseless, it is easy to offend or deceive them and in most cases children`s aggression - only a protest against behavior of adults, upholding of the borders and the rights. Children`s aggression usually increases throughout all preschool age and only by seven years (normal) declines. Psychologists connect it with the fact that to this age the child already learns to resolve the conflicts in other ways, it already has an experience “ vypuskaniye of " vapors; in game situations, they become less egocentric and better understand feelings and acts of other people. But, I repeat, it - is normal. If aggression of your child as habitual reaction to obstacles and bans does not decrease but only gains strength, that is a reason for concern. A lot of things during children`s aggression (till 6 - 7 years) depend on reaction of parents to it. And here our kids need rather a help and understanding, than severity and punishments for behavior, unacceptable from the point of view of morals.
If to ponder, then aggressive children involuntarily get to a vicious circle. As showed numerous researches the reason of their such behavior - always a lack of attention and understanding from adults. But the behavior small aggressors push away from themselves surrounding only even more, and their hostility only strengthens protest behavior of the child. Hostile disapproval of people around, and not so internal difficulties in most cases provokes the child, exciting in it feeling of anger and fear. Actually that behavior which we call as asocial is desperate attempt of the little person to reestablish social communication. As a rule, before flash of obvious aggression the child expresses the need for softer form, but we, adults we do not see, we do not hear and we do not understand it.
Whether it is necessary to punish for aggressive behavior? On the one hand, data of researches show (and our knowledge of life speaks about the same) that if to the child once was succeeded to achieve aggression of the fact that he wanted, adults conceded to it, then he also will resort from now on to such way to try to obtain the. But also punishment for aggression leads to the same result - to its strengthening. After punishment the child, perhaps, will also cease to fight, for example, in the yard or to spoil things in the house (at least in the presence of the one who can punish for it), but this aggression which is tired out inside surely will be shown somehow still: not houses, so in kindergarten, not in the form of a fight, and in the form of offensive nicknames to peers. Aggression, at last, can go to itself (a so-called autoaggression) in the form of desire to hurt itself, inventings about itself any impartial stories and pr and so forth. That is, punishments for aggression do not reduce, and on the contrary, increase its level. If to ponder, punishment - the most striking example which adults of this aggression, an example of the fact that it quite is good as corrective action can only give. The American psychologists in 1994 made experiment in which they tried to establish connection between slaps with which parents awarded small aggressors and extent of manifestation of their aggression. The result of experiment was quite predicted: children who were punished behaved much more aggressively with peers in kindergarten, than those which did not know physical punishment.
All aforesaid does not mean at all that you should not react to attacks of aggression of the child. Here quite approaches so-called “ behavioural therapy “ rule “ incentive - reaction “. Let the child know that you do not like his behavior and you reserve the right to deprive of it, for example, viewing of animated cartoons or a visit of cafe or walks with friends. But only it should not sound in a directive form, explain to the kid that any his action involves consequences, let him know about it. But at the same time do not forget to note a praise or encouragement any achievement of the child: helped the friend, at once obeyed the grandmother, made something good and so on.
And one more important rule which parents of the child inclined to aggression have to know: it needs to be discharged, it is necessary to teach him to get rid of the collected irritation, to allow it to use the energy overflowing it in “ peace purposes “. The remarkable Czech psychologist Zdenek Mateychik told: “ If the boy has no opportunity to kick a ball, he will kick other children “. It is necessary that your child had as much as possible opportunities to discharge the collected negative energy. Create to children, active, inclined to aggression, the conditions allowing them to satisfy need for the movement. It can be both group sports sections and a sports corner of the house and just permission in a certain place, in a sports corner, for example, to do what is wanted to climb, jump, throw a ball and so forth. As a rule, aggressive children are not able to express the feelings, they suppress them, exhaust inside, do not pronounce, do not try to understand. Result - inevitable failures of the house, on relatives, in a habitual situation where the child got used to relax. It does not give to the child relief, he feels guilty, especially if he for it was punished, from here still big failures further, and, the following failure will be even more rough and long. Suggest the child to remain to one in the room and to state everything that collected to the one who angered him. Let it know that you have no intention to overhear under a door and to punish him then for the pronounced words. If collected much, allow the child to beat a pillow or a sofa, to tear the newspaper, to write all words which want to be cried out on paper, and then to tear written. It is possible to advise still the son or the daughter at the moment of irritation before to tell something or to make, several times deeply to sigh or count to ten. And it is possible still to suggest to draw the anger, then it bigger part will remain on paper. There is a lot of ways. The main thing not to consider that to your child there is something bad what Small aggressors should abuse and punish for is necessary your understanding, council, readiness to help, but not anger and punishments.