To blossom from love or to wither from dependence? I Love, I cannot! Except him / her nobody is necessary! The world seems empty without object of passion, and only his / her emergence in the coming sky of life is capable of some time to light sad everyday life. And when this short instant passes, there are thoughts of it, hope for a meeting. They - that also support hardly glimmering life spark.
Even it is more - now these thoughts, dreams, meetings are also life! If there is no it also life! Therefore there is a wish to eat and be sated with these vital forces more and more. And let all these meetings bring only pain and hopelessness, you can do nothing with yourself - pulls. And here, having collected all remains of will and character, you make the decision - enough, I have had enough! And … nothing is impossible!
It is also dependence. It is similar to how the person the person interested to grow thin constantly reaches for the refrigerator, the smoker to a cigarette, at the addict begins “ withdrawal pains “ without drugs. All these situations are united by one - by one effort of will to get rid of addiction it is impossible even if dependence hurts or does harm to health. And therefore instead of blossoming from love, we wither from dependence.
There is it because the person begins to plan the future, including in it object of adoration, at all dreams and plans there is He or she. And always plot of succession of events the best. In principle, there is nothing bad and destroying in it. Leads another to sufferings. For example, you plan, dream, everything goes well, and you just already tremble with the coming meeting. And the meeting does not take place. Unexpectedly reports object that it is occupied. Plans failed. Around emptiness. Confusion and frustration.
On this case there is simple council: when your future depends not only on you, plan several options of succession of events. Then disappearance of one alternative will not be able to damage to your plans in any way.
From here the most obvious way of release from " follows; delusions “: to plan the future without object of attachment and a sincere indisposition. The person can mention several spheres in our life. And the in your life he figured prominently, the bigger failure is formed with its disappearance. And those should plan more events for rehabilitation.
But not everything is as simple as it seems at first sight. Not for nothing we with persistence of the maniac make plans with this person. Means, he / she gives us, what is not present in others.
People always receive some benefits, emotional gifts from communication. And not always these benefits can be realized by us. If the person practically gives nothing to us (neither in material, nor in the emotional plan), behaves terribly, and all the same pulls to him, there are no forces?
The matter is that the benefits received from communication can be deeply hidden from us. For example, the diffident man can reach all life for aggressive and energetic women and suffer very much from it, without understanding why the relations do not develop with ladies soft and gentle. Actually he receives that resource which he to it does not get: he cannot show determination and courage, it for him is done by the partner therefore they and together. And it will be until it does not get rid of the uncertainty.
Still we can receive benefits in the form of emotions. And sometimes it is not important at all, positive or negative these emotions. For example, the girl, inclined to a depression and melancholy, can quite become dependent from so-called “ bad guy “. Rare meetings with it, the irritating behavior will occupy all her thoughts and will hype up emotions. She will receive in such a way a missing portion of adrenaline.
So that it was easier to get rid of dependence and to plan the alternative future, it is necessary to understand that this specific person gives you. How to realize it?
Present that this person will never be near you (even in case the gap did not occur yet). Listen to feelings after a gap. Badly? And why? What did this communication give you? Make the list of what you lost now (i.e. the list of the resources and benefits received from this person). And after that reflect over where you could receive all these benefits still. You are surprised how can be these alternative sources much!
But, of course, not always search of missing resources can solve a problem. Parting with the person brings pain which is in certain cases very difficult for overcoming. There is such sad story: are necessary each other, and cannot be together. Everyone gets out of the similar situation in own way. If people choose parting or short meetings as parts, there are pain and melancholy. What with it to do? How to get rid of pain of loss or uncertainty and to build the life?
The most sparing method is not destruction of what is, and creation of new. New is and there is that life, that future in which to you it is good and comfortable. Only, naturally, the object of attachment does not appear there. This future has to be joyful, such in which there is a wish to live.
Many people literally physically feel communication among themselves and people to whom they are strongly attached (a thread, a rope, a power stream). This communication metaphorically symbolizes that good that connects them. On this channel people get access to resources which other person gives.
Its gap is a loss of much-needed resources. And it is frequent - loss of. Those in whom we fall in love, are our idea of perfection. As a rule, they have all no that is had by ourselves. Therefore not so - that is simple to break this link by effort of will.
And what if to try to become independently the person of the dream? It is not so difficult, and the most important, it for certain will allow to avoid further hits in dependence.
So if to sum up all steps which we can undertake on disposal of dependence and unfortunate love then the program of rehabilitation looks so:
1. Present your communication with this person. What does she look like? That it: thread, aura, beam, rope etc.?
2. Mentally break this link.
3. Realize that you lost, thus you will understand what emotional benefits and resources received from this person.
4. Present yourself the owner of all these fine resources. Where still you can receive them?
5. Mentally attach the ideal image to yourself. Use the same communication that connected you to darling. If it was the red thread, then and in this image everything has to be also.
6. Be associated with the new image. Feel how it is pleasant to possess all these resources and to be capable to share them. It you will strengthen the communication with the new opportunities.
7. Think: where and when you are going to use the new opportunities? How these changes will affect all your further life? What you for this purpose will make? How now there will be relations with the former object of your attachment?
8. Plan the future without him / her. Always consider alternative options of events.
Having got rid of painful attachment, it is not obligatory for you to break off the relations. When dependence disappears, the relations are left by neurosis and a manipulation, pain and melancholy leaves, the place for true love - without fever and sufferings appears. Perhaps you will have this feeling with the new partner, and there can be relations with the real partner will move to other level. The main thing that from love you will blossom but not to wither!