How to distinguish sexual blackmail ofIt is considered that sexual blackmail - a manner of behavior of women who in the relations with men pursue the mercenary aims. However, according to researches of Goskomstat, actually most of the woman is afraid to use sex in exchange for material benefits and considers it unethical. There is no wonder, according to the same statistics, the vast majority of men is negative to “ To Sexual shantazhistka “ who directly declare: “ You Love - prove! “ Presently men prefer disinterested (read - free) love, and behind each our headache are ready to see manifestations of sexual blackmail opposite to their souls.
And what men?
Any young and unmarried woman at some moment of the life faced sexual blackmail, and the man was a blackmailer. Sexual blackmail is that in some of the first days of acquaintance (very fast and not really far-sighted men do it in the very first days, cleverer - after two - three weeks after the beginning of communication) the man begins actively to suggest the girl or the woman to establish the sexual relations by " method; under pressure “. Retraction in intimate relations under pressure can be made in two main options: hidden (by the increasing intensity of caress) and opened (by a straight talk). The meeting with the fan of sexual blackmail forces many women with mistrust belongs to the opportunity to meet someone decent. Many of the victims of such blackmailers took out belief from meetings of this sort that “ all men - are identical “ “ to them - only one " is also necessary;.
Good news : fortunately, livestock “ sexual blackmailers “ it is not so big as can seem. Psychology illegible in communications “ new impressions hunters “ such is that men with deviations in the psychosexual sphere do not accept one partner, they are quickly bothered by the same woman, they are not going to learn her inner world, they want a new and new body all the time. Owing to the aggressive activity, such hunters are most noticeable against ordinary men, less active and more timid in respect of new acquaintances, for this reason probability of a meeting with “ fan of novelty “ in the big city it is rather big. Such men seek to capture the attention of all female attractive faces which are in their reach, and now, with broad development the Internet - acquaintances for them comes off really the widest field of the choice.
Bad news : many worthy men are firmly convinced that the woman needs suit a number of checks before to open for her the heart. One of such checks is sexual blackmail as the express - the availability test which, in fact, represents the most real manipulation.
As it occurs.
If blackmail is hidden …
If you do not feel readiness to transfer the relations to the horizontal plane, you can take away his hand, softly, but resolutely to be exempted from embraces, to change a separate chair, to refuse to go to visit or in a sauna. The following step of the man - to pretend as if nothing occurred (some men prefer to put on a mask of offense and the innocence offended by your mistrust). Then your new admirer politely and quite correctly takes you home and... vanishes from your field of vision for long term (from a week to one month). Also waits for results necessary for it...
Further two options of succession of events are possible.
Scenario 1 . You do not maintain uncertainty, do not wish to miss it and are shown by the first.
If at you were handed over by nerves, and you did not sustain torture by uncertainty, having been tired to sit at phone usually you make the following. You call the man and by a vigorous voice ask something banal type: “ Well and where you were lost? How are you doing? You took offense at something? “ The Man answers: “ No! Just I was busy! But on the other hand really it seemed to me that I not really - that also am necessary to you... Therefore also I also decided not to disturb you some time... “.
Here you can begin to justify youselves and say that he misunderstood you, to you with him was very much and very well. You can even report (and quite often reluctantly) that “ you at all not against sex with it, but then at you were critical days... “. For the man your capitulation will become a red tag of an easy victory and a signal to further development of approach. In this case the principle works:
Your fast capitulation very often means crash of your plans for the serious relations and creation of a family with this person.
The reason of it is quite simple:
People always value a little what gets with little effort...
Is the rule is especially brightly shown in love.
Scenario 2. you are not shown by the first. If you have
strong nerves, or continuous employment on the working front, or you were not upset by disappearance of the admirer, later two - three weeks the man will not sustain also itself will call, will sing a song about a work involving all hands at work and will suggest to meet again. During appointment he, certainly, will try to carry out new attempt of sexual storm.
If the girl is internally broken by failed previous affairs, has the underestimated self-assessment, considers the new acquaintance by top of perfection or is convinced that “ men have a wide choice, and to it - that “ there are no lines of admirers “ - most likely, she will decide to concede to a pressure, and with high probability will be transferred by this man to the category of girls, “ for the sake of which you should not fuss “...
The open form of sexual blackmail in fact is similar to hidden. Its only difference consists that your new acquaintance does not consider anything shameful in fast sex, and also with some pride sounds the position aloud.
Sh antazh barefaced.
At frank blackmail frankly, in the same way, and in most cases arguments are reduced to a number of standard situations. The majority behaves according to these scenarios with small variations: “ what you break, you are not a girl “ “ both of us will derive pleasure “ “ you try, a crumb, I not such as the others “.
Motivation of times. “ People have to check as far as they each other approach “. the Man can approve
: “ My dear girl! Just I need to understand as soon as possible what you in a bed. How I can spend on you time if it is not sure what we with you will suit one another? And it, in turn, is necessary for me to solve: whether it is worth creating with you the serious relations or not? I cannot spend a floor - lives for the frigid person. Suddenly we will be together whole half a year or year, and then suddenly it will become clear that you - are not sexual at all! In this case these relations are completely unpromising, and the spent time simply will go broke. And here if in the sexual plan everything eat well, so sense to continue the begun relations. It is quite logical, isn`t it?
Is possible also such manifestation of blackmail as barefaced pressure:
“ Yes you have continuous complexes... It is necessary to be more free, raskovanny. It is not necessary to complicate everything. What means - you badly know me? (Autobiography tongue twister). Here, now you know me. And what tomorrow - that will change? All this your complexes! “
Motivation two. “ I Want (I love) only you and nobody any more! “ the Man can motivate with
the claims and so: “ Sex - the most important element of love! Sex is very important for the man! Now a century of the free relations, be not a hypocrite! Without receiving sex from the girlfriend, I will be forced to compensate it by caress of others … If you, my dear, do not want that I met you, and slept with others, time to begin the sexual relations came! And at all, I want only you and nobody … " any more; This form of blackmail can take a form: “ If you are not ready (you do not want sex in the form of sexual intercourse) now, means tell, how much time you need for you that “ to ripen “ (when we go to me), and now think up as you will be able to give me pleasure in a different way “.
Motivation three. “ I bought the right for sex to those that I brought together you at cinema. “
Exist men who can begin to show directly the right for sex, staying in sacred confidence that you already it have to it only because drank a cup of coffee at his expense. Such man can begin to reproach you joint exits with cinema and cafe, to tell a story about mercenary women in his life that it became a shame to you. Usually speak: “ You see that I for you grudge nothing?! And you what, it is difficult to give me small pleasure?! I can take offense! Where you still will find it who will treat you so kindly? Think itself … “ or declare directly - “ Who the girl has supper, and dances her …. “
Motivation four. “ If to you not yet and …. dtsat. “
Exist adult men who got used to communicate with girls aged from 14 till 20 years. They quite often try to receive sex, using as there is nobody psychological lever female vanity and aspiration of the young girl to seem is more senior, is more serious and more sexual, than she still is actually.
Having met time or two and having shown aerobatics of courtings, the man with obvious grief says: “ You know, the darling, you very much are pleasant to me... However, most likely, we should leave you... Of course, it is a pity, however I do not want to give an inconvenience to either you, or myself... “
is told Further you approximately following: “ All the matter is that I am an adult man and as you understand, I cannot live without sex... Generally, I do not want to accelerate your development and to push you to the fact that to you it is not interesting yet. From my point of view, will be much better and more honest if we leave you now when we treat to each other kindly, than I will begin to stick to you, I will receive repulse, we will quarrel and will leave in offenses... “
Struck with male nobility, improbable sincerity and frankness, full of with desire to seem is more senior and is more sexual, sincerely afraid to lose it “ honest “ the friend, the young girl is much easier, than usually, agrees to establishment of the sexual relations.
If you noticed manifestations of sexual blackmail, remember that having entered sexual relations under pressure, most likely, the girl will receive from the new acquaintance a mental brand “ quite available " option;. With big degree of probability it will lose these relations within several next months (after from these relations the effect of sexual novelty is gone).
If the girl repeatedly accurately rejects manifestations of sexual blackmail, the seeker of easy adventures will be gone already forever, and the normal man - the tester will be forced to recognize: “ This girl successfully passed a strength test and can be quite recognized reliable and decent. With it it is possible to create the serious relations... Well, in any case, to meet few years, and there already to look that further... “.
If the man met by you belongs to the category of fans of an easy mark and will be gone forever, so he wanted from you only sex and nothing any more. Such relations develop according to the famous scenario “ love in the big city, at most several months also last. So to be upset and regret there is nothing!
If the man restrained the sexual aggression, overcame internal offense and wishes to continue to communicate with you - means, it successfully passed already your own female test for trust and it can be considered as worthy trust option.
Center of practical psychology “ You are not one! “